2013 - Resolutions

Well, it's 2013. How did that happen? Am I the only one who feels like it's a bit surreal? Anyway, I want to hear about your New Year's Resolutions. I'll tell you about mine:

1.) I want to have less drama - 2012 was full of horrid drama that seriously stressed me out! I couldn't eat or sleep very much for months. I'll always have drama in my life, it's just the way the world works, but my resolution is more about how I deal with the drama. I'm trying to not care so much.

2.) Maintain the cleanliness in my house - When you live with people who have full time jobs and don't like to clean things get pretty messy...So I'm going to try (with everyone else in my house) to clean up after myself and others more than I already do.

3.) Toning/cardio/flexibility - I'm at a healthy weight, but I would like to tone up a lot more and work on cardio. The toning will make me look better in a bikini and help me with tumbling/cheerleading (as will the stretching). Cardio is just good for you in general. Plus, I'm trying to get into running. It's been kind of a dream of mine to be a runner. There is just something satisfying about the whole idea.

So, that's pretty much it! Let me know what your resolutions are and how you are doing with it! Happy New Year! I hope you have an amazing year.

2013 Baby - woot woot,

Tay-tay

Stop Confusing

I look at you and I feel torn

So in love, yet so alone

Cold and lonely, but comfortable

I hear what you whisper in my ear, soft and lovely

Make my heart melt

When I’m alone I feel angry for what you do to me.

I try to leave, but you are a part of me.

I’ll never get better unless I move on.

Hold you close, but I feel you so far away

Pull you closer and you move away

Pull back and you pull closer

Stop confusing me and don’t tell me to stay

I’m fine alone, but if I’m honest

It’s not the same

You broke my heart and you don’t care

I hate you for it, but I love you all the same

Intoxicating passion, but fake the next day

Stop confusing me and don’t say what you always say

‘Cause I’m not going to take it

I can move on                               

Hold you close, but I feel you so far away

Pull you closer and you move away

Pull back and you pull closer

Stop confusing me and don’t tell me I have to stay

I’m fine alone, but if I’m honest

It’s not the same, without you, I’m not the same.

Hold your love, I need to breath

Burnt out and lonely 

But I’m stuck here in between

Can’t you choose between him and me?

I want you and I want all of you

Hold you close and feel your heartbeat

Pull you closer and feel you breath

Pull back and you pull closer

No more confusing me I know where I stand

I’m not alone

In your arms is where I belong.

Two years have come and gone

Say you love me I’ll know you’re not wrong

But this is reality

It’s time I move on 

Sick and tired of taking chances with your fire
Breaking me down till I can't put the pieces back together

Hold me closer baby, to your heart
But it doesn't matter anymore
I see my value
You don't even nearly start to cover the cost
Let me be and I'll be fine staying home every night
I don't need you anymore
I've moved on

-Tay

If You Want To Bond With Your Sister...

If you want to bond with your sister, curl her hair. It shows that she trusts you with something every hot near her precious face. It shows you care about her because you wouldn't dare burn her with the curling iron. You can listen to music and dance around the bathroom and sing at the top of your lungs.

If you want to bond with your sister, bake a cake. You can prove that you two can work on something as a team. Show each other that, it's okay if you burn the cake. Hey, at least you still have the frosting. 

If you want to bond with your sister, do her make up. It'll show patience when you accidentally poke her in the eye with the mascara brush. It'll teach you to laugh it off when you both look like clowns afterwards.  

If you want to bond with your sister, go shopping. Try on ridiculous dresses and get delirious in the dressing room. If you are having a "fat day" just go for some ice cream and keep each other from remembering why they were laughing in the first place.

If you want to bond with your sister, watch a scary movie. You'll scream and tell people not to go into the dark basement and just be goofy. Then at night you'll get a little freaked out and crawl into your sister's bed. She might kick you out, but at least she knows you love her and feel safe with her. 

If you want to bond with your sister, give her some space. It'll let her grow in her own identity and prove that she'll come back and love you the same even if she has tons of new friends. You're still her sister and could never be replaced.

If you want to bond with your sister, curl her hair. Even though you are both mostly grown and are capable of curling your own hair, it reminds you of when you were younger, when life wasn't so complected; you would curl each other's hair for no reason on a Saturday afternoon and ruin your hair between the amount of hairspray and burning. Both of you lived freely and had no idea what was going in the world or what to expect out of life. Boys still had cooties, except for the cute ones, which is still true to this day. Before your first heartbreak. Before you knew how to drive. Before you knew every word to "Dance (Ass)" By Big Sean. Before you saw your childhood slowly drifting into adulthood. It'll show you to embrace the inner child and never let her go. 

Scintillate

Christmas lights are the most enchanting thing. I could just get lost in their beauty. I don’t know why I love them so much. They go past my eyes straight into my soul warming it with a magical joy.

                I lay on a small bridge in the middle of a strip center gazing at the twinkly lights in the trees above me, “Santa Baby” plays in the background. There is a slight delay in the speakers throughout the mall that adds eeriness to my surrounding.

                I break focus from the lights and look past into the night sky. A plane flies by readying it’s self for landing. I think about all the people who might be on that plane, coming back from Thanksgiving break, coming back to the “real” world. Back to work Monday morning, act like nothing has changed. It’s depressing really.

                “Santa Baby” continues to play and the words overlap each other into a confusing mess of a song. It reminds me of how my mind has been lately. I have no idea what I’m doing with my life, what my purpose is. It feels like everyone around me knows what they are doing and who they are. I know that’s not reality. They are just as lost as I am. They are just better at hiding it.

                As I lay there thinking about Christmas lights and the purpose of life, I figure, does it really matter? Can’t I just take it one day at a time? Do I really need to figure all this out? I mean, do I even have a purpose anymore? Have I already fulfilled it and am just waiting life out?

                I think the reason I love Christmas lights so much is because their purpose may seem obvious, but they are so much more than meets the eye. You think they are only for decoration, but they are to give you hope. Something you look at to give you a moment of peace so you can just put your mind back together after it’s fallen apart. So, maybe like the lights, I do have a deeper purpose…I just can’t see it yet.

Identity Reflection Part 3

Part of figuring out who you are is getting out and trying new things, meeting new people, and expanding your horizons. I've been working on that. I recently started cheerleading and am about to start tumbling. I've had lots of fun! Plus, it's a great exercise! So, try something new that you've never thought of before. You might just absolutely fall in love with it. Maybe by doing this you'll figure out more about yourself and clear up some questions in you head.


Expand your horizons in every aspect of your life; go say hi to that one random person you've never taken time to talk to (I did that and she turned in to my BFF), listen to new (and old) music that you've never heard, go places that you would never, ever imagined you'd go.

Today is a day that you, YOU, are alive, so live it! Explore..Breath...Live...

Here is a short story, that will hopefully inspire you:

                I usually wouldn’t start something like this in the middle of the day, in the middle of my work place…but I couldn’t stand that damn clock ticking any longer. I’ve been sitting at this desk for five years. Five years, of my life wasted.

                So, I broke it. I broke that clock. Everyone in the office just stared at me. I’m usually a normal person, I swear, but something just came over me that day. I had to break it, or I was going to break. I just calmly grinned, looked around the room and said “I quit.” They never saw me again.

                When I left that office, I felt so empowered. So free! I had the whole day to myself. “What to do?” I mumbled to myself as I drove past every familiar store in the mall next to my office. I pulled into the parking lot of the Startbucks. I parked my car and just sat there.  I suddenly burst into tears.

                “Oh, gosh! What did I do? I’ve worked there for five years! I was up for a promotion!” I buried my head in my hands. “I left and all I can think to do is get a coffee! I’m supposed to be doing something spontaneous and new!” I continued to cry…and cry.

                Later that night when I got home I sat down at my computer like I always do and logged into Pinterest. I felt numbed…

                “This isn’t right.” I stood up got dressed called up my girlfriends and went dancing. Geez, the last time I went dancing was in college! All my girlfriends were a little stunned at my spontaneity, but they agreed it was time to get out of the flow of things.

                After a night of partying with “the girls” we all stumbled around the parking lot giggling and chatting. Then I just blurted out “Let’s make a pact.”

                “What?” Annette stared at me like I had three heads.

                “Yeah, let’s make a pact to be more adventurous. Do more with our lives.” I paused. “Nothing irresponsible, but…new. Live our lives.”

                “Oh, we can make a list and randomly pick from it each Friday!” Bobbi started to get giddy.

                “Yes!” Annette nodded her head with a deep seriousness. “Let’s do this.”

                It was the beginning of something beautiful. 

LIVE,

Tay

Identity Reflection Part 2

I don't care anymore.
I just don't.
They tell me I have to choose
Make a plan.

I say no because I simply don't care
I want to run away from all this
I want to be something new

Sure I'll make a plan.
It won't be like the ones you wanted for me
I feel the breeze against my skin
Calling be to my new beginning

I won't ever be good enough for you anyway
Why try if I'm going to fail?
I'm done, just done with trying.


I say no because I simply don't care
I want to run away from all this
I want to be something new

Kisses,

Tay

Identity Reflection

Ladies, let's just take a moment to reflect on ourselves...

Is there anyone in your life, who in any way controls the way you live your life?

If so, why?

Why do you let them?

What would happen if you just broke away from them and did your own thing?

You'd have your life. The life that you took control of and said "You know what...I'm going to do what ever the hell I want to. I don't care if you like it or not." And, no I'm not telling you to be rebellious to your parents or authority. I'm telling you to be your own person. Stop looking for approval in other people.

You only have one life, so live it. (Notice I didn't say YOLO)

Live it now.

Now, think about what you'll do with today. Try something new, meet a new person, reinvent yourself. Just do it. Be free!

Doing my own thing,

Tay